I have one very vivid memory from maternity leave with my first child. My son was about three months old, and he was, as infants are, a little blob of needs and reactions. He was adorable and beloved, and though he had weirdly impressive control over his head and neck, he didn’t exactly do much. As far as I could tell, he seemed perfectly fine with that. And yet for some reason, I had scheduled times throughout the day when I would lay him down on a blanket in our apartment with an array of toys and books. Could he pick any of them up? Did he know what they were? No. But I was determined to provide stimulation for my baby who, surely, was bored and really wanted something stimulating to happen after being cooped up all day. I definitely wasn’t projecting. (I was, in fact, projecting.)

I wish I knew then what TikTok user Delaney Rae (@hercuriosities) shares as some of the best parenting advice she’s ever received:

“Don’t try to make a happy baby happier.”

Delaney is talking about older children — toddler age and older, when they can actually play play — but frankly I think it applies to kids of all ages, including contented little blobby newborns.

“If you really sit and think about that, we interrupt our kids’ playing all the time,” she explains. “[My daughter has] been going in and out of … the dog den for, like, 20 minutes talking to herself. I could go over and shut the door and play peek-a-boo because I think that that would be fun for her, but I need to let her be. She is learning independent play. And I think that’s one of the reasons why she is such a good independent player … because I don’t interrupt her. It’s kind of that Montessori style parenting where, if they’re good, once they’re locked in, you pretend that they don’t exist. She’s chilling, I’m out here making banana bread.

“Don’t try to make a happy baby happier,” she reiterates in conclusion. “Just let them play.”

The level to which I needed this as a new mom cannot be overstated. I routinely felt so guilty that I wasn’t doing enough. But, really, in addition to aforementioned projection (he wasn’t bored: I was) and guilt, what I was doing was either underestimating my son’s ability to entertain himself or, from a non-infant perspective, overestimating how much excitement he needed as a tiny creature who’d only recently discovered that he had toes.

But it seems I was not alone…

“Sometimes my baby will be locked into her independent playtime for about 30min, and I fight this guilty feeling that I’m neglecting her,” reads one comment.

“The other day my 5 month old spent like a good ten minutes zoned out just scratching the netting of his playpen. I was like, “Do I interrupt or…?” But it seemed VERY important to him,” another laughs.

“The amount of times I’ve wanted to do something with her but she’s entertaining herself so I have to remind myself it can wait until she tells me otherwise,” admits a third.

So moms, take it from a veteran of two babies and toddlers: just let them do their thing.

Join me next week for the other best advice I’ve ever received: unless your doctor tells you otherwise, never wake a sleeping baby.